Sunday, January 24, 2016


It is such an irony. I meant to keep the pictures of only myself in Scotland and London. So I save all of those pictures of us,  stored it in a place to be forgotten and subsequently deleted them from Facebook while leaving my portrait pictures be. Now I realised she had deleted all of them including my portraits and now I am left with the pictures of us - the only memory of this enchanting journey.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Wishful dreams

Came across this one that I liked. The feelings came and desire burned till it hurt. James Blunt's song 'you're beautiful' played in my trobbing head and ending with the line 'cause I don't know what to do,  cause I'll never be with u.'  I'll say it will be a 0.01% chance; yes I'll give myself that one hundredth of a fraction percentage. I am not turning down from this opportunity.  I'm doing it the nerdy way.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Toxic relationship habits

  1. The relationship scorecard
  2. Dropping 'hints' and other passive aggression
  3. Holding the relationship hostage
  4. Blaming your partner for your own emotions
  5. Displays of "loving" jealously
  6. Buying solutions to relationship problems

  • Bringing up past wrongdoing to justify current righteousness. It becomes a battle between who screws up the most and who owes each other the most. Not only you are deflecting the issue, you are bringing up past guilt to manipulate your partner to feeling wrong in the present. You have to deal with the issues individually. Understand that by being with your partner you have to accept what he or she has done in the past.

  • You are afraid to say what is really affecting you and find petty ways to irritate them. It means you are not comfortable to openly sharing with them. You have to state you feelings and desires openly. However, also make it clear that the person is not obligated to them but you'll love to have their support

  • Communicates a simple criticism by blackmailing and threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. Example, instead of saying "I feel that you are being cold sometimes" they will say "I can't date somebody who is cold to me all the time".

  • You are having a bad day and you expect your partner to support you. However he is distracted with something else, and then you lash out at them. This is an example of poor maintenance of personal boundaries and may lead to codependent tendencies. Suddenly you need permission / compromise for all activities. Sacrifice must be made as an autonomous choice and not be seen as an expectation. There is a difference between being supportive and being obligated to your partner.

  • You are jealous of a good gesture, an attention of your partner to another person.

  • Instead of solving the problem at hand, you cover it up by "good feelings" of buying new things, or the excitement of travelling. This brushes the real problems under the rug.

Monday, December 28, 2015


A deep breath and a sigh of relief. It felt like molten lava, burning hotter by the day. I still do not know how to calm both the raging demons, one from within me and the other staring from the other side. Is it really the heat that is the caused of all of these problems? Where is the love she hails from the omnious tower above. She claims i hold the dagger to kill; yet she adds to the flames of the boiling cauldron with words that has no meaning and no purpose; lacking a head or a tail.

I am grateful for all that i have learnt and was done for me; invaluable reflections, principles and skills. I'll take them all and move on.

Now i am free... from another day of torture. However, as sweet as this golden honey can be, my lonesome trial remains. When will the curse be broken?

Thursday, October 02, 2014

My Prayer

Hold me deep in your heart
Even when love hits rock bottom
Though the cracks and boulders
Fill our Labours with pain
You'll still be there
With wide open arms .

Lord mend our cold broken hearts
Fill this void in my soul
This is my Prayer.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Nature of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an one off event of acknowledging in your consciousness and your heart that you are forgiving a person's mistakes and hurtful actions towards you, but it is something that you must relive all the days of your life. Every time the hurt emerges in your thoughts you must remind yourself of the love and forgiveness that you had already honoured her with. You cannot and must not retract back the blessings. This is the cross you must carry for Christ.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

A new life

Lord,  I thank u for all the beautiful things and trials that come my way. I will start a new chapter of my life tomorrow, afresh and revived. I offer u myself that my life may give glory to you. When I face those trials, I face it with fortitude, resilience, patience and a heart of sacrifice which can only take place as a result of your overflowing grace. Take my life and make it yours. Give me a charitable heart, with words of kindness from my mouth.

If I walk through the Valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are with me. Your Shepherd's rod and staff will protect me.