Emancipation from shackles of blood

I felt emancipated…

I was thinking of playing tennis and forgoing any thoughts of donating blood but when I came back to Melaka, the courts were wet. It had rained and together with it, ruined my hopes for an excuse. Even as I was going down from the bus, I were in two minds, still undecided but slowly encroaching towards my bicycle, subconsciously yearning for home and to put this whole internal conflict behind me. However, my heart desired to take this adventure and I kept my mind curious, cajoling it maybe to just take it one step at a time, maybe to check out their progress with a false sense of concern for the event. Ho ho.. clever Jedi-equivalent mind trick!

But when Jayanthi decided that she was going, I conveniently tagged along, showing my brave side while assuring her that we do not need to freshen up at the hostel first.

After that i felt so fresh. I had broken the cycle of self discouragement, which had held on for so many years, since national service in 2004. There you go. No painful needles to worry about or killer shark like finger pricking.

Actually, by going through all this trouble, I really wanted to confirm my Rhesus factor… but as expected… it was not one of the tests… darn… I had really hoped to check it out (I had checked myself once before in my physiology lab in India, but I just want to confirm mah). Then I can hold my head up high as the rare breed of darah raja Homosapiens with an AB-ve blood group. hahaha. My BP was 116/74mmHg by the way… so good!!!!!!!!! but my weight was confirmed to touch 70… 71 to be exact. Let’s see… calculate calculate BMI is 22.9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o oh…. darn, touching upper limit of normal!!!

Life support

The thoughts and feelings that rushes into my mind now is how much i need you and missing you when you are not around.

My heart always finds it’s own game; when will she be back? when can i talk to her? She is my one and only close companion put on earth which would share with me her life and, that is what life’s all about – it revolves to a certain extend around her. After a busy day of working and exerting myself i just look forward to seeing her, meeting her, holding her in my arms; caring and talking and loving with flowing gentleness. She is somebody I can fall back to and depend on when I am alone and lonesome. These days, I have always just been that and somehow it feels that she is my life support.

The thing about Marlene

Marlene works hard. She sacrifices her life to support her family by working long hours in the factory. She takes every opportunity to work overtime as she would get more allowance – the much-needed money to pay the bills. She does not mind, just as long as her 2 children, Dan and Clemitha can live comfortably with a roof over their heads, she would be all the more happy to do what it takes for the job that pays the rent

What more to life is there for her? She thinks about how she became a single mother, a young single mother and it made her frown: that heartless fellow! She brushed off that thought immediately the first moment she’d noticed at the corner of her eye, the inspecting supervisor approaching close by. She did not want him to think that she was day dreaming and lazy.

She was meticulously assembling the electrical components just like every one of her colleagues, a sweat falling from her brow out of nervousness. She had developed a disliking towards that nosy demanding supervisor throughout the weeks since she had started on the job. The boss is coming closer

Just then, Suzy nudge her and broke in a whisper. “Hey… you’re looking like a loud speaker statue, whatever. Stop it darling”

“Oh God, Sues… it is that obvious?”

“Yeah relax… I know you can… Oh the boss’s eying you now.”

“You’ve got to help me… butterflies in my tummy.”

“I figured, he thinks you’ve done something wrong.”
“Not again?!”

Marlene closed her eyes and tried to suppress the unending nauseating feeling

“Marly deary, don’t you have to worry. If ever the boss’s eye pops out, for you I’ll pluck it out and bury it under his wig!”

“What… you mean he’s bald?”

“Oh yes, and baldy even has so many moles on his head that you can make out his second face… only the eyeballs are missing.”

“How do you kno… uh”

The wig fell as soon as Suzy had finished explaining. The supervisor scrambled to place his dignity back on his head. The smiley face made of moles was glaringly present, just as Suzy had foretold.

Marlene let out a giggle which she soon regretted. She suppressed it immediately, but by then every one in the hall had noticed it.

“Good mor--ning ladies” grinned the supervisor cynically, “I’m glad you have had a cheerful day so far but hmm…really, I’m unsure about the rest.” He paused; made sure he flashed a piercing stare and each of them. “I’m sure that you’ll love to skip a few hours of goodnight rest to do some unpaid overtime. It’s good to see two motivated associates covering for the missed working excitement of today.” Burning red with embarrassment, he turned his head and walked away.

“Did you see that?” whispered Suzy, “It’s like hitting the jackpot.”

“Are you some kind of a psychic? Oh yeah, jackpot it is, we are always ending up in some kind of trouble somehow. Nice shiny head though”

“At least you have me, your best friend by your side all day long. We can be all cheery and girly till our last hour.”

“You got that right,” grinned Marlene, “I’m stuck with you forever”

“You look so cute! I love you, you know that?”

“Uh huh," she continued with her work but soon after she noticed Suzy staring anticipatingly at her. She stared back jokingly but gave in anyway, "Oh what the heck, I love u too”

An early morning scene

Note: I was going through my spm english practise folder and i found a nice piece on an early morning scene. This essay had the best mark from my tuition teacher compared to the others. Sigh... those were the days.

Peaceful as ever, is the stillness of the silent night only to be broken by the chirping of the early birds looking for some wriggly worms for breakfast. They certainly long for an early meal, free from the competition by the other nasty animal kingdom.

The faint melodious sounds of insects buzzing to attract their mates and frogs croaking under the falling dew from the trees, announcing the fall of the night and greatly anticipating the rise of the day. While the humans are still asleep in slumber land, the animals of every corner of the earth are waiting to celebrate a new day, an adventure full of excitement, directly from God. Unfortunately the nocturnal animal, the owl is spotted to be ready for a long sleep and to dream the night away - will miss it all.


By perfect timing, the miraculous event happens Mother Nature sets its course.Flashes light up the desolate night. A new lease of life begins to flourish, touching every living thing in sight, giving them immaculate and divine solace. It is fate that had sent the poignant moon away. The same moon that showered us with romance during seemly endless nights. Now all it can do is to back us with its convincing goodbyes and hope that we remember his passionate love, the dim lights of the dark skies.


Wait a minute; I see something beyond the horizons. The seas, the hills, the trees,the skies, the clouds, all ready to greet the morning star, to bow down to their king. It is as if they shouted out loudly with one voice.


"All glory, all power and all sovereignty belongs to our master and king forever and ever, till the end of time!"


It is meant to be. The day awaits it. The glorious sun so astute to show off its radiant face is still so inchoate and has not fully risen.


The sun is growing and growing in size and its glimmering light shines brighter and brighter. The inhabitants of the earth, all kinds of plants and flowers; showing its gradual appealing beauty, reflecting the light of the sun on its colour. Sweet smelling roses, wan at night, becoming redder and redder under the rising sun. The unique morning glory, the flower so connected with time, opens and blossoms as the light brightens. Its petals welcome the day, basking in the light.


Soon a plethora of excitements fills the air; the gentle breeze slowly refreshing everything that comes in his way. Even man cannot resist the magnificent beauty - the true colours of the earth that shatters the even the coldest of hearts and their dreams of day becomes a reality.


The glimmer of hope strengthens as every minute passes. The plants can finallymake food through the process of photosynthesis, which needs the sun. The children can finally give a sigh of relief as the ghost could not touch nor haunt them anymore. In their baby minds, ghost only come out at night - no more virulent monsters under the bed or in the closet. The morning sun acts like a shield to protect them. Hail the sun, the source of nourishment, strength and beauty. Hail the sun, whichgives refuge to the weak and light to the blind. Hail the sun, which turns the night into dawn and the darkness into light.


Morning has finally broken..

Passion

It's when you can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop talking about it, always feel like having it whenever possible. It’s in your mind almost half of the time or maybe three quarters. It is the first thing that comes to your mind when you happen to daydream.

You spend countless hours and yet would not feel that your time is wasted. You are engrossed; you’re obsessed; you enjoy it, every moment of it.

When it is taken away from you, you missed it so badly.

You have the energy to wake up at 5am just to nurture it. It’s something which you’ll always have time for. Stealing time would be a habit.

The world stops. The moon fails. Your life is floating away endlessly day by day. But who cares, as long as it’s with you, as long as you are not deprived of it.

It’s your food, without it you’ll starve. It’s your soul, without it you’ll be empty.
It is never a chore. It’ll be your daily routine without fail. You’ll never be bored.

It inspires you. Just by looking at it, feeling it, you’ll get motivated.
Life gets richer by the day, life is sweet.

Looking at the future will clear all doubts.
Realizing it in the present would float you all the way up… to seventh heaven.

p.s. What if you substitute 'it' with someone you love? or your studies? or the Lord?

Nevertheless if you substitute 'it' for all the wrong things, it may destroy you... hahaha

Survival beckons

Eh… how to survive la… really need help la wey..


So this is how it goes: the silver spoon is removed… “You like the freedom? You like it?”


“Yes, a breath of fresh air, thank you, no more headache” like every naïve girl or boy we say, “bring it on… we need more clinicals, less classes and class notes.”


“ho ho ho… very enthusiastic clinical students.”


Then like every naïve boy and girl, we fall into their trap. They throw all of us little babies in the medical field, into the sea of knowledge. “Nah go swim… this is what you need to know… nah go study, go read.”


Just when we are about to enjoy our freedom, we come to realize the weight of responsibility - complicated books with facts hiding behind the nonsense, which we need to extract. We have to divide for ourselves the essential knowledge from the distinction decorations. Time management my dear Watson. All this before we even start learning the material.


“Ahem, sorry to interrupt dear measly low life medical student. How do you expect to examine a patient if you don’t know what to look for? How can you enquire like a good medical detective without studying? You have to correlate the signs and symptoms, silly or you’ll be just as good as the common man on the street. Even they would be better than you.”


“Errr… but… but… you can’t just leave us on our own!”
Then we hang on to the false hope that knowledge is not everything... but emotional intelligence will not solve our glaring problem either.


“Change your attitude, stupid. Here we aspect professionalism. Studies, service, whatever. Gone are the hanky panky days of your 1st & 2nd medical years in Manipal.”


Then they observed us from afar with empathic pretences “ho ho ho, how are you doing? Smashing I hope?” but subtly force-feeding us. “What? You still don’t know this? Useless fellow, this is basic knowledge” then with their bare hands they push again and again, our tired heads already struggling to breath, into the water, “ When are you going to swim? We haven’t got all day my dear.”


“Whoaaaa… what do we actually need to know?”


“Something about EVERYTHING… muahahhaha!”


It’s a miracle I haven’t drowned yet. But there is no doubt I need a stable system that works. I need to trouble myself more and adapt to the situation as quickly as possible.


Hmm maybe it’s not that bad after all. I’m not sure, but maybe, maybe they like our batch. Yeay I’m starting to float. If they can do it, I can right? Anyway I think it’s still too early to tell. What’s next?


“Ho ho ho… secret. You’ll find out soon enough”

The experiment

Dear dreamers,

It had well been a sound year; a really sound year it’d been indeed if you know what being sound is like anymore. As the stakes are raised higher and higher each year, I suspect that it’s only fair to say that sanity belongs to one’s own digression. One can never know what hefty surprises are installed for us in the future. We can only speculated, plan, search through all our resources and be ready when the time comes, but we can never find out how the next chapter of our lives will hit us until it does.


And so dear dreamers, the eyes of the world that reads this. I shall hope to raise this blog out of the grave into the living.


So that when the present we sit in drives us so far ahead into the future, and we take hits after hits soon after that momentous chapter, I can sit back and point out to you, O dreamers about the silliness of it all, the wisdom that settles at the bottom. I wish to pause time in this fashion.


I hope to raise my case before God

I hope to discover His blessings

I hope my mind to stay 18 forever

I hope to create fantasy out of the living

I hope to muster the breath of fresh air in our daily existence

I hope to reminisce in the ancient past

I hope to beat the egg in the issues

I hope the vindication of my ideologies

I hope the affirmation of diversified principles


This is a challenge. It shouldn’t be all talk and no action. I keep asking myself why I would document the things I’m reluctant to share. Can I really translate my deeply suppressed thoughts and opinions on paper or in speech? Why at times do I find this a waste of time? How about the energy involved?


That is why I write this mission statement, an experiment I devised for myself. That is why you are all called ‘dear dreamers’, the shadowy non-existent audience, similar to our pal ‘dear diary’.


Pray that my motivation never ends. I had always needed someone to push the hesitant me.


Maybe it should just very well be left rotting in the cemetery. I don’t know. Maybe this is the last, but still I’ll take this opportunity to wish you happy New Year dear dreamers. This is my first post that greets the New Year, almost 3 months late.