In today’s prayer meeting discussion , I confess, I was kind of passive. The reason for this introversion was also the reason why I didn’t join Jimi’s medical cell group in the first place. And Stp O had to take that same topic for the sharing and reflecting session. It was a good topic though, no doubt.
The one thing about discussing issues, for me is the preparation needed before hand. Issues are subjects which you must think, reflect, determine you position and put it into words and talk so that everyone can understand.
I was seriously handicapped. All I wanted to do was relax, enjoy the company, probably a break from study (God! I wasted my whole day lazing around today!). So I did not put an expectation on myself to evolve into the typical talking me.
Debate and discussion always takes the whole of my energy. Once I am involve in it… I seriously would be involved in it. My mind would turn on the heat and visualize my past experience, things that I’ve heard and seen; day dream about it till the point where I have to force myself to fall asleep at night.
I will be literally drunk! My brain would ache; drunk not because of alcohol, but of my thoughts; my energy zapped out! I would have the typical symptoms; an elevated feeling, sweating, unable to focus, restlessness, talking excessively…
I reckoned, this would be good for the discussion, probably make it livelier, but it will not be good for me. The side effects, I am not able to handle at this present moment. Not at this time where I am struggling to survive the second year of medical school.
I won’t be able to study (maintain my focus) for the rest of the day in the aftermath of one or two hours of these meetings.
There is no middle path to me. Sometimes I just cannot moderate myself. I feel that in these things, I am only capable in acting in either one extreme. To get involve or don’t.
With time so limited even for me to breath, my priorities are clear. I will not be joining anything... I am not ready because I cannot commit. No offense.
1 comments:
Opps I'm so sorry. I couldn't find anything else more relevant to talk about >.<
Anyway, I was pretty disappointed that day. Not with the people who came but with the poor turn-out, the fact that most people didn't bother to reply my msgs, the fact that people made fake excuses. I'm disappointed cos the ppl I consider frens would do such things. I'm not gonna force anyone to come, just wanted replies.
The conclusion I have made personally is that I am not gonna be 'organising' any prayer meetings in the near future. Just find it no point because my aims were not fulfilled. I thought that we Catholics could form this little community whereby we would have a sense of belonging etc but I guess I'm being too idealistic and no one actually bothers. Not blaming u or anything, just decided to let it all out here in ur comment box since u brought up the topic :P now feel so much better...LEGA
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